This was my first official year taking part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). In the two previous years, I had only ever heard talk of NaNoWriMo and attempted to write something every day. It was impossible for me to write the intended quota of 1,667 words per day with the school and work schedules that I kept. I wouldn’t be sleeping if that were the case. Not only did I not have any sort of plan for the story in my head, but I was also not in the right mindset for fictional writing at the time.
Most of my writing from the previous three years was almost exclusively essays for school with minor story ideas, plot ideas, and poetry on the side. I’ve been out of school for roughly six months at this point and I’m sad to say that I haven’t gotten back into the habit of reading or writing for myself yet. Somehow, I have trouble becoming determined in those areas of my life even though that’s what I once used to love. It just feels like a chore now, and, honestly, I blame University for making reading and writing feel that way when before it was always a wondrous adventure.
So, I took part in Booketubeathon this year and NaNoWriMo this last month and had the same amount of success for both challenges. During Booketubeathon, I read for three days straight, one book a day, and after that pretty much just stopped. My motivation deflated and I couldn’t push myself to do it anymore. The same thing happened to me during this last month. I wrote more than the 1,667 words per day quota, usually taking an hour or two to do so depending on how planned out that particular chapter in my story was. I felt successful, accomplished, proud.
It was on day eight when I was sidetracked from the US Presidential election. I was so distraught by the results that I didn’t do anything for the next two days but play Bioshock as therapy. This was the “life happens” moment that ripped me out of my growing routine of writing more than the quota every day. After those two days, I figured if I just wrote more than what I had already written each day, I could catch up for the two days that I missed. I was unsuccessful on that front, and, unfortunately, I only wrote for two more days before quitting again.
Admittedly, I think I fell back into my old school habit of letting the Editor in my head take over. Perhaps I’ve never discussed the difference between the Writer and the Editor. Everyone has both personas and the Editor is the hardest one to silence. The Writer is the creative side that you let loose to just do what it will. It’s the persona that creates the story, the characters, the plots, etc. without interfering with the creative process. It just does without thinking or swaying. The Editor, on the other hand, looks at every word, every sentence, every paragraph, chapter, and idea, and picks it apart. It tries to find what’s wrong with it and makes it better.
The biggest issue with the Editor and the Writer is that the Editor likes to take over more often than not. When I was younger, the Editor didn’t exist. The Editor came about when school began to train me on how to edit my work to make it readable and interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad about the fact that the Editor exists in my head; I’m more upset at the fact that I let it run my writing more than I let the Writer run my writing. I got into this bad habit by writing all those essays. School did not leave space for a creative outlet in writing, so I got stuck spending more time with my Editor than with my Writer, which is why it’s such a great presence now when I try to write.
Even now the Editor is looking over my shoulder trying to correct the words I’m typing.
In my first week writing during NaNoWriMo, the Editor was almost non-existent. I was extremely surprised that the Editor didn’t try to take control over the situation like it always did. For one week straight, the Editor didn’t say a word. The Writer was in control and my words just flew. True, they didn’t always seem right or good, but somehow I was able to keep the Editor in check. But I rested for two days and when I returned to work, the Editor made me feel like the work I had done so far was wrong. My story felt bland and bad, uninteresting. Who would ever want to read something like that? It wasn’t adventurous enough, engaging enough. The Editor insisted that it must be perfect now, not later. It began suggesting edits and I was put down by my own mind.
This was the determining factor in what made me quit for the time being. I figured if I rested for a small amount more, I might revert back to being the Writer. It never happened and I simply didn’t write for the rest of November.
In total, I was both proud and disappointed with myself. I was proud of the accomplishments I had reached in the very first week of NaNoWriMo, which was roughly 20,000 words and 12 chapters. The middle section of my novel was missing; I just didn’t know what to put there or how my characters got from plot point D to plot point J. I was disappointed in myself for not finishing and for not really trying after that first week. I could have written far more than that 50,000 quota for NaNoWriMo had I just stuck with it. But I didn’t.
I have every intention of completing both NaNoWriMo and Booktubeathon next year. It’s been six months since I haven’t been to University and I have every intention of going back to receive my Master’s degree, but who knows when that will be. I also feel disappointed in myself for not reading as much as I used to, but I have faith that I can get back into the swing of things with some time and practice.
I still consider myself to be successful for these two challenges this year since I have actually read and written more for myself in two weeks of the year than I have in the last three years. So even though I’m not exactly where I want to be in terms of how much I’m reading and writing, I still think I’ve come a long way. So yay for me.
Bookends Review 